THECLOWNCLINIC
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Final Exam
This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two
sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty
well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such
that going into the final they had a solid 'A'. These two
friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week, even though the Chem final was on Monday,
they decided to go up to University of Virginia and party with
some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time.
However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all
day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday
morning.
Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find
Professor Aldric after the final and explain to him why they
missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVA for the
weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that
they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back
to campus.
Aldric thought this over and then agreed that they could make up
the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and
relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day
at the time that Aldric had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told
them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, which was something simple
about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they
thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and
then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what
they saw on the next page.
It said: (95 points) Which tire?
Man Falls Asleep At Church...
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
Monday, November 03, 2003
Kinda crude... But funny nevertheless...
What pissed me off?
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.
"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet
is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose
right on my head !"
The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"
Subject: Indian vs Chinese Movies
Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies
=================================================
1. A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to
cleanse his wounds.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine(vice
versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the
rain.
3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in
any other situation.
4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of
nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where
and joins them in the dance.
5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the
bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother
and the maid who looked after him is his mother and
the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is
his uncle and so forth.
6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said
out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!,
Get Out!, Shut-up!,Impossible!, Please forgive me!
7.They drop down on grounds and roll and roll while
singing and came out with different clothings.
8.They can run around the coconut trees, singing,
battling eyes-lid, and throwing glances at each other
and change clothes all at the same time without being
out of breath.
Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman
Movies
=======================================================
1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and
will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is
young, and the hero will become an orphan.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage
to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to
reveal the killer before dropping his head and
declared dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up
trees and across distances without any sweat. But when
travelling to towns and villages, they still have to
walk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but
will always have golds and silvers with them to pay
for their dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very
often no matter how big the country is and no matter
where they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as
sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and
smoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and
waistband and never drop them (carrying especially
lots of those gold and silver ingots)
