THECLOWNCLINIC
Saturday, November 01, 2003
Who died the worst death?
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."
Friday, October 31, 2003
A farnie conversation...
Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan
Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!
Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to
Annie Wan! Its urgent.
Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk
to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan
that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe
Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going
to the hospital.
Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one
was sent to the hospital from the accident that
isnt an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!
Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?
Mr Sori : Im Sori.
Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me
your name!
Mr Sori : I'm Sori!!
Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr
and i dont care, give me your name!
Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori!
Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you didnt even give me your
name!
Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum
Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum
Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in
the co. He is Noe Buddy.
Mr Sori : Oh im so scared(sarcastically).Look i
dont care about ur uncle he's a nobody. Everybody
thinks his top dog and holding an important
position in the company.
Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt.
And Avery Buddy doesn't work there.
Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur
aunt screws everybody and i also know that not
everybody works here! Jeez!!!
Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!
Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur sis! Why in
gods name u think I do!? Look i got work to do and
if im feeling mischievious i'll broadcast it
on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone
called and said that anyones brother just got
involved in an accident. But not to worry no one
got injured and no one was sent to the hospital.
But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The
father maybe a somebody but if u're their uncle,
u're a nobody. "how bout that!?
Toot....Toot....Toot.................
Cheerios
Live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of
it.
You only have one
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
The test.
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."
