A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the dishevelled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it is caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

- Dr.Dan diagnosed you on 11:49 AM

 
BEFORE AND AFTER OF FALLING IN LOVE

Before - Passion
After - Ration

Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start

Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - Idol
After - Idle

Before - Oysters
After - Fishsticks

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before - It's like i'm living in a dream.
After - It's like he's living in a dorm.

Before - We agree on everything.
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before - Charming and noble.
After - Chernobyl.

Before - I love a woman with curves.
After - I never said you were fat.

Before - He's completely lost without me.
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - You look so seductive in black.
After - Your clothes are so depressing.

Before - She saysshe loves the way i take control of the situation.
After - She calls me n controlling, manipulative egomaniacal prick.

Before - You take my breathe away.
After - I feel like i'm suffocating.

- Dr.Dan diagnosed you on 11:17 AM