THECLOWNCLINIC
Sunday, May 02, 2004
A BOTTLE OF WINE
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in happiness for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "and look at this, there's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police......"
Smart man + smart woman = romance
> >Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> >Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> >Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> >OFFICE ARITHMETIC
> >
> >Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> >Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> >Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> >Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
> >SHOPPING MATH
> >
> >A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> >A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
> >doesn't need.
> >GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> >
> >A woman worries about the future until she gets
> >a husband.
> >A man never worries about the future until he
> >gets a wife.
> >A successful man is one who makes more money
> >than his wife can spend.
> >A successful woman is one who can find such a
> >man.
> >HAPPINESS
> >
> >To be happy with a man, you must understand him
> >a lot and love him a
> >little.
> >To be happy with a woman, you must love her a
> >lot and not try to
> >understand her at all.
> >LONGEVITY
> >
> >Married men live longer than single men do, but
> >married men are a lot
> >more willing to die.
> >PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
> >
> >A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
> >but he doesn't.
> >A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
> >change, and she does.
> >DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
> >
> >A woman has the last word in any argument.
> >Anything a man says after that is the beginning
> >of a new argument.
> >HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT
> >GETTING MARRIED
> >
> >Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
> >poking me in the ribs and
> >cackling, telling me, "You're next."
> >They stopped after I started doing the same
> >thing to them at funerals
