THECLOWNCLINIC
Sunday, March 28, 2004
>----------------- Curl Up and Die ------------------
>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in town and asked
>loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
>
>Melinda Lowe, 39,
>Seguin, TX
>
>
>----------------------- Pad, please! ---------------
>An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
>He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as
>best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
>
>He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
>
>Kathy Newman, 46,
>Winston-Salem,
>NC
>
>----------------------- Ho, Ho, Ho ----------------
>I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
>w rapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
>adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
>They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of
>our Christmas cards.
>
>Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and
>suggesting I take a closer look.
>
>Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition
>to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a
>camera!
>
>
>----------------------- Lady Golfer------------------
>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
>unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
>minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
>the store.
>
>He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
>"I think I like playing with men's balls."
>
>Colleen Collins,
>31, Ferndale, MI
>
>
>--------------------- Nuts about You----------------
>My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
>of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
>asked if we needed any help.
>
>I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
>hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>
>To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
>
>Faye Emerick, 34,
>Ellerslie, MD
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments
>Contest in the "New Woman Magazine":
>
>
>----------------- Na-na na-na na-nah! ------------
>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
>pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
>receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
>that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
>
>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
>saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>
>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
>tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
>and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>
>The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
>laughter.
>
>Amy Richardson;
>Stafford, Virginia
>
>
>------------------- Surprise! ----------------------
>It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
>parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
>romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
>telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give he r a
>nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
>didn't have time to get dressed.
>
>When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a
>whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
>
>My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
>were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock
>and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
>
>Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
>
>Tim Cahill,
>Poughkeepsie, New York
>
>
>------------------ Priceless ----------------------
>One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moments stories I've come upon in a
>long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store.
>When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
>had no price tag.
>
>Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
>out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
>SIZE."
>
>That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
>misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS."
>
>In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
>WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
>HAMMER?"
>
>
>----------------- Mom's Advice-----------------------
>A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
>around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
>
>She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and
>whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
>itchy.
>
>The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone
>his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned
>to his class.
>
>Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
>investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
>out.
>
>"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
>
>"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon,
>she'd come and pick me up from school."
>
>
>Cheers,
>Idiana Masroni
